Secret to Life

My 3 year daughter old has lived with us for almost a year now.  She is not ours completely, but my love for her reaches so far beyond the earthly confines of the fact that we do not share DNA.  She could not be more part of me than if I had given birth to her myself.  Even if by some horrible turn of events we are not allowed to be together on this earth, I have all confidence that she, too, will carry part of me with her all the days of her life even if she cannot remember my name or what I looked like.  But, that is not the real point of this blog, my heart for the hurting of this world.  That is a subject for another day. :)  Why I mentioned her is because in the year she has lived with us, she has daily heard of a God of whom she had previously little exposure to.  I remember the first time we cracked children's Bible.  She looked at us so funny as if we were speaking of aliens.  It has been so amazing to see the transformation take place in her eyes as she has learned more and more of the God who so delicately wove her together and gave her the spunky personality that I have come to cherish.  It is not as though God had just now met her this year, but the One who has preserved her, held her, and brought her through much in her short life, was now being introduced TO HER by name.  I truly believe He had revealed bits of Himself to her along her tiny journey in life, but now He has a "face."  And in these small 11 months, that in so many ways has seemed like an eternity, her life has been forever altered.  She may not get all the intricacies of religion and theology, but she has seen Jesus.  He has shown Himself to her in ways only she could understand, and has written His name forever on her mind, and I hope, one day, on her heart as well.  She now speaks of Jesus as if they are old friends.  Sometimes I stand back in awe of this tiny girl whose life has been filled, and is still filled, with so much heartache.  A couple weeks ago we were praying before an event that she particularly hates, which we do each time she must go, and I cried as I listened to her pray one of the sweetest prayers I have ever heard.  It was so sincere and so simple.  She said, "Jesus, oh, Jesus.  We love you.  We love you so much.  I pray that you would make this (the event in which she hates, but is forced to attend each week) stop.  Thank you, Jesus.  Amen"  The Name at which she used to put her hands over her ears so as to not hear it uttered, she now loves.  Everything this year has brought in the way of tribulation is worth it for that one simple reason.

We get a kick out of her because when we are talking about anything remotely serious and we ask her a question, her answer is always, "Jesus."  We could be asking her, "Who delivers mail?"  And she will reply with a slight question in her voice, "Je-sus?"  We chuckle and say, well, it is the mailman, but that's a good answer!  It's like the old story of a little boy in Sunday School that is asked what stores nuts in the winter.  He raises his hand and quickly replies questioningly, "I think it's a squirrel, but I'm going to say, Jesus Christ."  The simplicity of a child's understand of big things is often quite hilarious, but could it really be that simple?!  One some elementary level, do they really have it all correct?  I believe they do.  The answer is always and simply, just Jesus.  It really is and can be that simple.  I'm not saying He is the answer to the mail question and the nut question, but in the big things of life, He is the only answer.  We humans like to complicate things with our higher education and intense thought processes and grand theology.  But He has made it quite elementary.  To experience joy, fulfillment, love, and a life lived with great purpose, is simply, Jesus.  To know Him, to really know Him, is all we need in this life.  He is the "gap filler" that pretty much everyone I have ever met is looking for.  Whenever I find myself so discouraged about life and worn out from seemingly running uphill at every turn, it is always that I've taken my eyes off of Him and am looking at my surroundings.  Knowing Him, loving Him, does not mean that life is easy, prosperous, or that anything will turn out in the way we would plan or even like for that matter.  What it means is that we are never alone, we are satisfied, and that at the end of our earthly life, there is a life that we were intended for that is so far beyond what we can imagine.  Pretty much every plan I have ever made went up in smoke.  My heart has broken so many times I cannot count.  Life is a LOT harder than I planned it to be.  And the dirty secret that defies all my school lessons as a youth; you can do all the right things and have intense difficulty.  You can even make many mistakes and life go well.  It's not about us or our performance.  It has taken me all of my nearly 35 years to understand that.  But in every situation, the answer is and will always be, Jesus.  He is the fixer of the broken, the giver of everlasting joy, the gap filler and the only Key to happiness.  I'm not saying to know Him is to go skipping through life.  If you knew me, you'd know I do not think that nor do I do that, nor do I always follow what I know to be true!  But, it really is that simple.  My sweet girl is right!  Jesus is the answer to every question and the true secret to life.

As Time Goes By

"Time heals all wounds."  I'm not too sure about the reality of this famous quote, but I am sure that when I choose to look to the One who gave His life for mine, I am truly comforted.  I may still cry, but these are not tears of hopelessness, but more a temporary longing for the sweet little one that no longer greets me each morning, but who I know I will one day see again. Shawn recently said to me, "I don't think think this ache will ever go away.  I think we just go from being terribly sad to patiently waiting."  And I would say that is where we are now on most days, patiently waiting.  We are waiting for what God has promised, eternal life in heaven with Him, because of Jesus' death on the cross.  We are also waiting to see our sweet Grant.  Shawn used to tell the kids when Grant was sick and he still tells the other two, "In heaven,after you spend a few thousand years at the feet of Jesus praising, let's meet up at the middle gate on the east side (ironically Benjamin's gate-the youngest of Jesse's--later renamed Israel--sons).   We are slowly becoming accustomed to our new roles in this altered reality.  The kids have probably had the worst of it in that arena.  Their trio swiftly became a duo and it has been quite an adjustment.    I had probably simplified the difficulty of losing a sibling when this journey first began.  Kids are funny because they experience grief so differently.  When Grant died, my world came to an abrupt halt.  I couldn't move.  I remember saying at least once to Shawn that first night that I wasn't sure how I was going to live with this pain.  I had to be told to shower, to get dressed, to eat, and pretty much everything else.  There were "Par-tays" only because of the love and faithfulness and generosity of many new and old friends, as well as our churches in Pikeville and Lee's Summit (where I had groown up), and especially my parents.  We did very little in carrying out the plans.   While we could barely function, our kids went swimming, went shopping with grandparents, &amd played with their friends.  They had sad moments, but they could seemingly function.    But, like I said kids are funny.  Their grief is delayed and unique and sometimes more severe because they are ill-equipped to deal with it.  I think at the beginning they were searching for "normal."  And whatever normal was, they wanted it.  They wanted to feel like all was right in their world again.  Shawn and I were fortunate enough to have had several people who had lost siblings at Grant's Par-tays.  They gave us some very valuable advice--mostly on what not to do.  We soon discovered that if we did not actively guide them in their grief that this amputation in their lives might have lasting negative results.  We were intimidated, and still are on most days.  We've never done this before and we didn't really have anyone around us that had done it either.  But, just as our God carefully guided us as Grant was dying, we knew He would teach us how to help them grieve.  We by no means claim to be experts.  We will not going to be writing any books on the subject.  In fact, we routinely flub it up and have to regroup.  We frequently ask forgiveness from one another for mistakes we've made as we work through this process.  However, when we look to our God and focus on Who He Is (His character) and seek to know Him, our passage through these waters is much more smooth.  We don't have to know the answers or the "next step."  We just have to KNOW the One who does.   This sounds like a trite Christian saying but I assure you it is not.  We have made many changes in our family over the past year to facilitate our new circumstances.  Sometimes our training has been proactive, sometimes reactive, and then there's the times when it has been all-together wrong.  But, God has a way of smoothing the rough patches, and even some of gigantic potholes in our parenting.

Grief by no means is finished and our stuggle is not yet over.  We still cry.  Just last week we were with some friends at a restaurant that we had last dined at on Grant's birthday a couple years ago.  I had forgotten, but my Jackson had not.  His demeanor became visibly altered to Shawn and I both.  At first I thought it just pre-teen "tude," but upon closer inspection we realized it was more.  As we began to peel back the onion layer of emotions, the dam broke loose and the tears began to flow.  He sobbed.  My heart broke in two.  So here we are in the middle of the Riverwalk in this total tourist attraction of a restaurant with animals and storms noisily shouting all around us and we are having "a moment."  Shawn and I were trying desperately not to sob right along with him.  As I hugged him and he cried, I just cried out to the only One I knew could truly comfort his heart.  And in his ear I asked God to be who we knew He was as I listed all His attributes.  Our sweet friends handled it great and we moved on to live another moment.  These are the moments that greet us from time to time.  Sometimes I ask God how I am going to do this and each time the answer is the same.  I mean, I don't hear voices each time I ask a question, but in His way He assures me through His Word and in my heart, that with Him, I cannot fail at any task that comes my way.

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  Matthew 19:26

Good thing it truly has nothing to do with me.  I must only look to Him!

Here's some moments in our life of late:

 

Elena with her little Easter chick

 
Jackson with his very large chick lovingly nicknamed Poullo Gordo (Fat Chicken).

 
Us having major fun with our dear friends from Kentucky on their visit to our farm.

Countdown

As the countdown continues to the marking of Grant's "new birthday," we are all experiencing grief in different ways.  We are not consciously trying to mark time, but it is inevitable I guess.  Shawn and I see things that remind us of him at every turn and sometimes for seemingly no reason at all, we are overcome with sadness.  It comes in waves, some larger than others.  Tonight I was at a restaurant with the kids.  It had already been a difficult day for Elena and Jackson had had a rough night the night before.  Many tears and many emotions.  We had just sat down when we heard this little voice a few tables over from us.  "I wanna see me."  Each of us looked at each other and sighed.  We have the most adorable video of Grant from when he was about 2 or 3 where he said that over and over and over again in this high pitched little voice that he used to have.  He was saying it because he was fascinated by the video camera, particularly if he was in the shot!  He continuously wanted to see himself in the little window.  After he died, we watched that video together several times and cried and laughed.  He is everywhere--even at restaurants where he'd never actually been.  Jackson then said a few minutes later, "I sure do miss Grant.  Can't you just hear him?"  I knew exactly what he meant.  For indeed I've had that happen a lot lately.  It is sort of like the movies when a single event triggers a visual flashback.  Now I know why they do that.  It can happen!  How funny, right!  But seriously, I've experienced so many moments where I am reminded in vivid detail, as though I was there, of past events.  This has increased this month.  January of last year was one of the worst on record for our family as we knew for certain time was growing very short to our days as a family of five.  We are now entering the worst of those days and it has been very difficult.  I have to continuously remind myself that he suffers no more.  I wish he had never had to, but it was not up to me.  I wish I could have done it in his place, but again, not up to me.   It may sound very sadistic to you to say that it was up to God.  I can understand that from one angle.  He didn't cause it, but He did allow it.  I don't really know why.  I'm not sure it is for me to know.  Could He have just as easily not let him suffer?  Could He have healed him completely?  The answer to both questions is yes.  He absolutely could have.  Why didn't He?  I'm not sure.   But He is not a sadist.  He is not evil or a god far off, watching all of us down here flounder around in life.  How do I know this?  Because He said so.  It is not in His character.  He has proved it over and over.  We broke his covenant in the Garden of Eden and though He is just and He had to deliver the results or punishment for the broken covenant, which was death, He promised to right it all again.  And He did when He sent Jesus.   He paid our debt so that we didn't have to.  God told us why there is sickness, death, pain, & suffering in this world.  It is because of sin, but it will not always be that way and that is a reason to get out of bed for!  It is what keeps me going, keeps us going.  I may not always understand why events unfolded as they did but I know the God of the Universe loves me and loved Grant and He has promised to redeem all of "this!"  Don't be fooled into thinking we are in some kind of denial,  delayed grief, or are not experiencing all there is to losing one so dear.  We are!  It is awful.  It is messy.  It feels hopeless at times and it is often overwhelming.  It is everything you can imagine and then a little more.  BUT it will not last.  Grief may last the remainder of our lives, but it will not carry over into the next one.  Over and over God says He will wipe away every tear from our eyes.  No more sorrow!  No more sickness!  No more suffering!  We are by no means the only people suffering.  In fact, compared to those around the world, especially in light of the terrible disaster in Haiti, our suffering is so very light.  I have been so burdened for those precious people.  The mothers who lost not just one child, but several, the children who are hurt and no one can help, those who are unaware of where their loved ones are.  I cannot imagine.  My heart has ached so much this year; I cannot even conceive of the ache in the hearts of the people of Haiti.  But, God knows each and every person and heart that is hurting.  And He knows how to meet their needs.  And just as I saw Him do with Grant, He will do for those sweet people.  He knows when a sparrow falls to the ground.  How much more does He love those special people He created in His own image.

I'm including our list of God's character qualities that I've mentioned so many times on Grant's caringbridge website and in our blog.  I've put it on facebook before so some of you may already have it.  May God bless you and keep each and every one of you.

God is . . .
A-Almighty-- Jer. 50:34, Luke 1:37 (He can do all things)
B-Beautiful--Isa. 28:5, Is. 4:2
C-Comforter, Psalm 119:50
D-Defender--Jer. 50:34
E-Eternal--Jn. 8:58, Rev. 1:8 ; Emmanuel (God With Us) Matthew 1:23
F-Friend--Jn. 15:14, Jn. 15:15
G-Good--Ps. 100:5
H-Holy--Ps. 99:2
I-Invincible (beyond anything we can comprehend or believe)--Gen. 17:1
J-Just--Ps. 144:17
K-King(King of Kings)--Psalm 24:8, Jn. 18:37
L-Lord of Lords, Lamb of God--gosh, I love "L" --there are so many!--I Tim. 6:15, Jn. 1:29
M-Merciful--Ex. 34:6 ; (God) Most High (El Elyon) Genesis 14:18 (This means that God is sovereign and rules
                                                                                                 over heaven and earth)
N-Never leaves us or forsakes us--Heb. 13:5,6,15
O-Omnipresent (God is everywhere)--Jn 4:24
P-Prince of Peace--Isa. 9:5-7
Q-Quick to forgive-- Ps. 30:5
R-Redeemer--Jer. 50:34
S-Strong--Ps. 24:8
T-Truth--Jn. 14:6
U-Unable to fail you--I Chron. 28:20
V-Vine (Apart from Him we can do nothing)--Jn 15:1 ( I have a great book about explaining John to your kids)
W-Word that became flesh--Jn. 1:1
X-eXcellent--X is a tough one! I would love more suggestions!  Ps. 150:2
Y-Yahweh (the Self-Existent One)--He was, He is, and always will be!  Revelation 1:1-8
Z-Zealous--Jer. 31:3 He is Zealous for a relationship with us!

Renewed Year

                                                                                    

                      

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our house to yours!

There is so much that can be said as this year ends.  There are so many emotions and even more memories, not all that I'd really like to relive.  Last year on this day it was nothing less than sheer will power to put on a happy face for our children.  It was awfully hard to ring in a New Year when we knew what was coming, especially as our sweet little boy lay on a couch as a recent loss of function signaled the end was drawing ever nearer.  This New Year's celebration has its mixed feelings as well.  Our lives are moving on and our Grant is a memory; one we will treasure, but a memory none-the-less.  That is a very hard pill for me to swallow.  There are phases to grief.  I am convinced this is God's protection so our heart doesn't experience its crushing weight all at once.  It couldn't bear it.  And you, my dear friends, have helped with that as well.  Those of you who have prayed for us, served us, written us, held up our arms when we couldn't do it ourselves anymore; these things are the definition of what it means to bear one another's burdens.  And we thank you.
The mother and very human part of me is mad.  I don't want to move on.  My heart is still broken.  Sometimes I really want to stomp my foot and just scream.  Very grown up, I know!  I miss him so much it hurts.  I want roly polies in my laundry, all the rocks in my landscaping flipped over because someone was looking for snakes.  I want dirty fingerprints everywhere and dirt on the carpet because he was digging a hole in the field for no reason.  I want to hear his laugh.  He is part of us and both of us have said that part of us died on Feb. 6th, 2009 as well.  But even in that there is hope.  And I tell you without that, neither one of us could get out of bed each day.  There would be no point.  The hope is that this world, and all that happens while we are on it, are not IT.  I've said it before but we daily have to remind ourselves of it.  Jesus came to redeem what went wrong so that we could have a future worth living for; eternity with Him.  Some may say this is not enough to make them yearn for heaven.  I understand this.  I may have once thought it.  The Bible says in James 1:17 that, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Everything that we associate with good, goodness, or good feelings, come from God.  That feeling we get after a really fun day with friends or family, the satisfaction of a job well done or an award won, the warm fuzzy feeling we get when we are appreciated, loved, admired or remembered.  He is the author of those.  He created the world in which they exist, the things we love to look at; the beauty of spring, the majestic mountains, the deep blue ocean, a starry night, and the glowing sunset.  It's all His handiwork.  Even the fulfillment we seek in things in this world that are rarely profitable,  that need for fulfillment and satisfaction and completeness, that good feeling that begs to be chased;  it's Creator is also God.  He is the definition of good.  It is His character, His very nature.  That need we have for goodness and fulfillment in our lives was made BY Him and can only be found IN Him.  And heaven is a lifetime of that very thing!  Never wanting, never needing,  a continual fulfillment and satisfaction, and a true completeness, which is only found in His presence and will be made perfect and unending only in heaven because He is there.  That's IT.  This is why no matter how mad I get, no matter how sad I am at times, no matter how much my heart aches, because it does, I, we, still love Him.  I owe Him my everything.   I could not hold up my end of His covenant because I could not be good enough, so He sent Jesus as my ransom.  He didn't have to, He was not obligated to.  He just wanted to, because He loved me . . . and you.  This does not change the circumstances of this temporary world in that there is still sickness, death, meanness, trials and pain.  But, it changes the outcome.  And while we are waiting, we are not alone, and that presence that we will experience one day in total completeness in heaven, we can now experience, in part, on earth because He resides in us when we surrender our lives to Him.  And in that there is comfort too.  Grant is with God in His presence.  I saw Grant leave this world.  I saw his face, I heard him laugh and he was happy.  God told Grant 3 1/2 months before he left this world that he was going to die.  It was a moment in time I will never forget.  We were traveling to Texas from Kentucky because we needed to check on some things at the farm and Grant really wanted to visit.  Traveling was so difficult for him, especially then because we didn't have much we could give him in the way of pain relief.  I would really have liked to smack some of his doctors at that point, but that's another story.  We were half way there and had stopped in the hotel for the night.  Grant was lying in bed and arching his back and screaming, "I'm hospital sick!  Take me to the hospital.  I am dying.  Quick!"  He hated hospitals at this point and doctors even more so this was something that he was saying this.  I am not sure that I cannot adequately convey to you the helplessness I felt in that moment, nor the sheer torture that it is to watch your child suffer.  Poor Shawn, as a physician, this was one of his worst moments of desperation.  We were both crying and then we had to do the unthinkable; we had to tell him that there was nothing that could be done even if we took him to a hospital because this sickness couldn't be fixed.  I will never forget the look on his face.  We had failed him as parents.  He was hurting and there was nothing we could do to help him.  We'd given him everything we had.  So we did the only thing we could do.  We cried out to the God Most High.  And He delivered.  We claimed every promise we knew that the Bible offered.  We prayed God's character qualities from our list and asked Him to show Himself to Grant because He had promised in His Word He was those things.  And in the middle of our pleas of desperation, Grant held up his hand and said, "Stop, God is talking to me."  A dead silence fell over that hotel room as Shawn and I, through tears, watched him.  His little eyes were tightly closed and he was nodding and through tears of his own saying, "mm, uh" in agreement and responding as though someone was right there in the room talking to him.  Then after a couple minutes he opened his eyes and looked at us.  I asked him what God had said to him.  He replied, "He said I'm going to die very soon.  He said He is sending His angels to me and to not be afraid and that He is holding me in His mighty arms."  
I am not sure how to fully express to you the emotion of that moment, but I was comforted, scared, devastated and incredibly humbled all at once.  From that day on Grant was never the same and Grant's God delivered on His every promise to him on that October day.  Around this time last year those angels came.  They were his constant companions until his death.  Thanks to Make-A-Wish, and their gift of a communication machine, he was able to tell us a little about what he was seeing.  It will forever be etched in my memory.  Although it was not until after he died that I caught a glimpse into what God had really done for him.  Grant was describing to us one day what he was seeing.  He kept asking me to add colors to his machine.  He started pushing blue, purple, etc. and used up all the buttons and kept signing "more."  I asked, "More colors?"  He nodded yes.  I asked if he was seeing angels.  He shook his head no.  I asked what it was, but I could not understand his answer.  I ask how big it was.  He was moving his hands all around.  I asked if it was bigger than he could describe and he said yes.  I didn't know what he was seeing at that time, but I remember crying because of the look on his face.  It must have been something to behold.  A few weeks after he died, we were sitting in church one night & our pastor was talking about the book of  Revelation and he began to describe the vision that John was retelling of the throne of God.  I almost leaped out of my chair.  I guess I had never paid attention to the details of that passage before.  But, instantaneously I knew.  I looked at Shawn and said, "That is it, that is what he saw, the throne of God.  He described it just like that."  Then I cried.  I do that a lot now.  I was overwhelmed.  It was real!  I knew in my heart it was real, but now I KNEW it was real.  He saw it and He is there with Jesus. 
 And because Jesus is in me and Grant is with Him, Grant is also with me.  I cannot hug him any longer but he is there right in my heart.  And One day because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross, I CAN hug my Grant again.  This is huge!  It doesn't get any huger--if that's even a word!  The future is good even if this new year holds more sorrow.  We still cry and grief is not yet complete, but there is hope!  

Happy New Year to you!

A Little Christmas Fun!

Gingerbread Village.  Family Tradition. Very competitive and very fun!

The farm (well, part of it) and the beautiful blue Texas sky.  Oh, how I have missed it!

On The Road Again!

We are moving AGAIN!  We are officially without a home at this moment, but not for long.  We arrived in Lee's Summit, MO on the 31st of October after a long drive, awaiting the call from the moving people to tell us when our stuff will arrive in Texas.  Then we're off to meet them and start things there.  Craziness!

Lee's Summit is my(Emily) home town so it has been lovely to be here with my grandma and hopefully will get to see a few friends during our stay here as well.

We arrived mostly uneventfully, but we slightly resemble the Beverly Hillbillies as we're driving in a caravan of 3 cars (because my parent's are helping us and have their car as well) holding 4 adults, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 1 ferret and a bearded dragon, plus mom & dad's dog, Buck.  All we need is a rocking chair tied to our roof and we'd be official.  I was so exhausted from the week of getting everything together that I didn't think I could safely drive to our destination the first night.  We didn't arrive until 2 a.m.!  So my mom drove in the dark in the mountains and in the rain over some very big bridges in a car all by herself.  If you added in a snake somewhere in that equation, you'd pretty much have her every phobia imaginable.  But, she did it and we even went the speed limit most of the time!  Yeah, mom!  Unloading into the hotel was comical in retrospect as we unloaded every person, suitcase, animal, cage, lights for the lizard, & cleaning supplies (because our dogs don't always make it to the paper).  If we are going to be vagabonds, we much pare down our baggage!

We arrived in Lee's Summit just in time for Halloween, and because Pikeville never celebrates Halloween on the actual day, the kids enjoyed two nights of trick or treating and handing out candy.  They were in heaven!  Now we are just resting and recouping to ready ourselves for the fun part--the unpacking.  This Halloween did not  pass however without remembering our last.  On that day last year Grant was enrolled in Hospice and the journey that was watching him die, kicked up a notch.  Although there are many times I miss him so badly I almost cannot breathe, I just kept reminding myself that day that this year, my little cowboy wasn't about to die, but he is now truly living as God had always intended him to!  Praise the Lord for hope!

I Corinthians 15:55
"But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, 'Death is swallowed up in victory.'  Oh, death where is your victory?   Oh death, where is your sting?"

Regrets

"I should've been nicer to him." Jackson blurted this out one day last week as we sat down to lunch. He then very thoughtfully, not franticly said, "You told me I may not always have him around, but I didn't think it would really happen. But, it did. I should've been nicer."

Isn't that how it always is? In the light of hindsight, our correct course of action seems so clear. His thoughtfulness and sincerity were quite real; much beyond his age. He had obviously been dwelling on this for quite some time. My heart broke for him on so many levels. Every mother knows that when your child hurts, so do you. I didn't want him to hurt, especially when it was not totally within my power to fix this hurt, and further I hurt for him on a personal level for I, too, know the pain of regret. I have many times said, I should've reacted differently, I should've let Grant do this or that, I should've never left his side, even for a moment.



After a big sigh and holding back floods of tears for him and for me, I said, "Well, there are two lessons to take from this. One, it reminds us to capture our words before the exit our mouths. It is sometimes most difficult to do with those that we love the most because we see them all the time. But as we know, that may not always be the case. Second, we don't have to beat ourselves up because the real truth is that Grant doesn't care. He is not sitting in heaven missing us or ruminating about how we wronged him. He has been made perfect and is in God's presence and the only thing he is thinking is, 'This is amazing! I sure can't wait until my brother gets here!' A big smile came across his face and he went back to what he was doing.

I would say on most days I feel massively ill-equipped to deal with the hand I've been dealt. But, that is where God steps in and fills my gaps. He has never left my side during this torrential year and He promises He never will!

Our blog

This entry will be a quicky! This blog is a continuation of what was begun on caringbridge during our youngest son's illness. In it will simply be the happenings, both good and bad, as well as what we are learning as events unfold. Sometimes they may be silly and sometimes more meaningful. Thank you to those of you who read it and to those that have faithfully prayed for our family during this past year!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21