A Servant's Heart

It was 2 months ago today that our sweet Granty left the pain of this world for the glory of the next. Every time I see a picture of his face, I cry. How I miss kissing it each day.

We are leaving tonight to go to Shriner's Hospital. We are delivering donations made on his behalf. As we loaded that little wheel chair into our van without a passenger it was very bittersweet. Tomorrow should be a difficult day as we say goodbye to some of our last reminders of Grant and thank and hug all of the wonderful people who so lovingly cared for him this past year. They are such an amazing group of people. When I called the therapy department to tell them that Grant had died, they cried. They see thousands of kids there, yet they cried for mine. It was so kind. I have received cards since then from some of them just checking on us to see how we're doing. I just love them. And I know that they will be able to help many kids with the donations they'll be receiving.

We have learned so much during this past year and especially the past 2 months as people have so lovingly served us. I will never again not send a card because I don't exactly know what to say, bring over something--even if it's toilet paper--when someone loses someone, call and leave a message to let someone know I'm thinking of them, even though I know no one will answer the phone, go to a funeral if it is in my power to get there and the list goes on and on. Shawn remarked one day--"We are such bad friends!" People, many of whom I'd never even met, have gone out of their way to show kindness to us in many ways. Before Grant even stopped breathing, my fridge was stocked and we were filling up the 2nd one. It was unbelievable! There is a girl here whose husband works at the hospital that Shawn does--she was one of the first people I met when Shawn and I interviewed at Pikeville. She is possibly one of the kindest, most sacrificial people I've ever met. I don't think she has once been to my house that she has not shown up with food. She lent me dishes, sheets, blankets, air mattresses & all sorts of stuff when we moved into our house before my things arrived a month later. Grant was very sick then and I didn't exactly know what I was going to do. Without even asking, she just stepped in and brought pretty much everything I could ever need to run a house. When Grant died, she did many of the non-glorious jobs around my house. I couldn't look at Grant's toys lying there with no owner. We'd taken them all down and then we were too sad and left everything lying all over the room. She went and got totes from the store and lovingly boxed everything up. She packed all of the things for Grant's celebration in Kansas City. She cleaned out my car and took things to Good Will. I don't even think I said two words together to her that day. I was so overwhelmed. When we arrived back in Pikeville, there was a dinner waiting on my doorstep so I wouldn't have to cook my first night back. She's incredible! And although I consider her a dear friend, we really don't know each other that well. She is also the speech therapist that made the book for Grant before we got the communication machine. I am not sure what possesses someone so show such sacrificial kindness to another. She got no gain from helping me. Until today, most people probably don't even know that she did. That's how she is. She and the many people like her that have given of their time, money, resources and emotions to care for us, pray for us, & serve us these many months are the personification of non other than Christ Himself. For only He so willingly loves that sacrificially.

This week as we celebrate the Holy Week in remembrance of the time of Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem until his sacrificial death and eventual resurrection has had me thinking a great deal. Last Easter Grant, Jackson, Elena & Shawn were in the Easter musical at church. Grant was so excited. I wish you could've seen him with his little hands lifted up to Jesus as he celebrated the resurrection and promise that Jesus would one day return to claim those that have put their trust in Him. It was precious. And yet, this Easter he is doing it for REAL! Oh, how I wish I could see it!! Y'all (see my Texan is still coming out!), He (God) is good. I know I've said it before, but I wish you could hear me say it in person. HE IS GOOD!! I think you all know, at least as much as people that are watching can know, that we are beyond devastated that Grant is gone. We cry everyday--everyday. We aren't sure how to do all this exactly. Some days we're good and some days for seemingly no reason at all, we're not. My arms ache to hold that little body. It is still surreal that he isn't coming back. I really cannot adequately describe the depth of our grief & the loss of happiness that we feel. But, even with all that, God is good. He didn't do this to us. He allowed it. But, His love for us is great. We are not in this deep pit alone. We owe Him so much more than we can ever give because of what He has done for us on that cross. He has never asked more of me than He so willingly hasn't already done Himself. And even without that, He alone is worthy!

May you have a blessed Easter and may you know the Love that so willingly gave Himself up for us all.